A Crown

My mom once passed along some valuable marriage advice that was first passed down

from her father, shortly after she married my dad. Her father’s words were simple, yet

strong and heartfelt.

“Sometimes you’re gonna have to do things that he wants to do, and sometimes he’s gonna have to do things that you want to do.”

My mom and dad got married in 1972 at the young ages of 16 and 18 (mom and dad

met at the roller rink, mom dropped her current interest, and the rest was history). But

she always held tight to her father’s advice. For his words held wisdom that would be

essential to their marriage.

Now, 52 years later, my parents still share a love that is genuine and real. They built a

strong marriage on choosing each other daily—even in the little things, and even when

it’s hard. At times they still do things they might not always want to do, but they do it

anyway. Why? Because that’s what love does. Love does for the other.

Today’s world encourages self at every turn (if not forwardly then indirectly). So

sometimes we all get lost in me, myself, and I. But God knows that, so He’s always

calling us to humble ourselves for something greater, and that includes our marriages.

For God is indeed the Creator of marriage, and the Creator of love—but also, He is

Love itself.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:8

It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. Genesis 2:18

Early in a relationship, it’s peachy sunsets, “What’s your favorite pie?”, and “We have

SO much in common!” (we even breathe the same air). Ah, the sweet season of

swooning—smiles, starry eyes, and butterflies.

But love and marriage aren’t always easy. A couple of missing socks, no big deal. But

factor in a couple of kids and some unmet needs, and Satan’s scheming for a foothold.

However, if grounded in truth, love can sustain the test of time. Because God, the

author of marriage created this covenant to reflect a deeper spiritual unity.

Lean in, we’ll get a little more theological...and I’ll give you a visual.

A Noble Crowning

King Solomon wrote:

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is

like decay in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

Let’s center in on the first half of this verse. Because I’m hopeful that no one wants to

be “the rotting in his bones”.

So what does God mean by a wife of noble character?

In Hebrew, the phrase is ’ēšet-ḥayil, which translates to woman of valor. The word ’ēšet

means “woman” or “wife,” while ḥayil carries the deeper meaning of moral strength,

courage, and excellence.

This nobility moves past gentle ways and praying on occasion. It’s beautiful. It’s quiet

yet powerful. The wife is excellent, because she chooses excellence in her godly ways.

She carries within her a beautifully bold and unwavering strength that is completely

rooted in God. She knows how to sincerely pray and to fully praise. And when this

becomes the foundation of a wife’s character, the husband has the opportunity grow in

his role as the spiritual leader, as God (their foundation) is exalted.

The supreme example of hayil is the Proverbs 31 woman—she is virtuous, strong, and

worth far more than rubies.

Modern-day examples:

Past the unseen corners of her lonely heart is a wife that feels undervalued by her

family. And emotionally distant from her husband. Yet she stays strong as she

remains steadfast in her love and devotion to Jesus. She continues to let scripture shape her, as she pours out her heart to God, trusting Him, and choosing to find joy in

all the beauty around her. She allows God’s strength to become her strength.

Therefore, she can smile and love well until the difficult season passes.

Or the family that faces financial hardship, with heavy bills and even heavier hearts.

But this wife knows that this is not a time of despair, nagging, or complaining—rather

it’s a time to lean farther into her role as helpmate, supporting, and encouraging her

husband. She clings to God’s promises, tightens her budget, works wisely, and trusts

that God will provide.

Both women embody nobility. For their strength, faith, and confidence are found first

in the Lord, which are beautiful in His sight.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD will be

praised. Proverbs 31:30

Proverbs 31 is there to help us, encouraging us to examine our hearts, and to teach us

what “a woman of valor” looks like, so that we have a target, something to strive for.

So, what will it be, “decay in his bones”, or “worth far more than rubies”?

Back to Proverbs 12:4, A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown.

Throughout Scripture a crown portrays honor, victory, and public testimony. So, the husband’s crown reveals that her noble character elevates his reputation. Her

presence is a visible sign of blessing. And her godliness adorns him. So the crown in

Proverbs 12:4 is not a shallow reference to the wife’s appearance, but much deeper and

more beautiful. It’s who she really is. Therefore, her heart and her character become a

sign of her husband’s dignity.

A godly woman will bring strength and joy to her man’s life, and his calling. Her

encouragement and faithfulness will magnify his leadership, continuously reminding

him of his worth and his unlimited capability in God’s eyes. And just as Christ

receives glory from His church (Ephesians 5:27), so a husband receives honor from his

wife’s faith and virtue. And even more beautiful, is that this supporting role of the wife

does not diminish her, it elevates them both.

An Inspiration

It’s important as Christian wives to pay attention to good and godly marriages and take

note.

Pastor, Josh Howerton, once shared a story about his wife, Jana, and the power of

encouragement:

“I have a weird job. It’s a very, very weird job. Every few years, I get cancelled for something new. The first time you get cancelled, it’s like an internet mob comes and it’s like getting attacked by snowballs. At first, you kind of wig out.

The first time that ever happened to me, I was coming home super discouraged. I’m thinking, ‘Man, is my ministry going to fall apart? Is this the beginning of the end?’

When I walked in the door, Jana had gathered all the kids at the garage door entrance. As soon as I stepped in, they yelled, ‘Welcome home, Dad!’

I walked into the kitchen, and all the candles were lit. On the table was my favorite meal—the one that’s really hard to make—served on our best dishes.

I looked around and asked, ‘Jana, what’s going on?’

And she quoted from the Sermon on the Mount: ‘Blessed are you when other people revile you, speak falsely evil against you on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for great is your reward in the kingdom of heaven.’

Then she looked at me and said, ‘Jesus said to rejoice, so tonight we feast.’ When she did that, I could have run through a brick wall.

Wives—encouragement in the mouth of a wife is strong in the heart of a husband.”

What a beautiful story. I had to ask myself the question, would I have responded like Jana? I probably would have done something sweet. But this story humbles me, as it highlights the significance and the potential within the role of wife.

Because softer and brighter than the candles burning in their kitchen that night, was

Jana. As her faith lit up her husband, when he needed it the most. Again, as a result, Josh boldly proclaimed: “When she did that, I could have run through a brick wall.” And that’s the power of a godly wife, demonstrating her spiritual valor.

The Third Strand

If you’re in a Christian marriage, you already know, butterflies don’t usually last

forever, commitment and good choices move you to milestones, and what we really

need is a battle partner.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of

them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no

one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how

can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend

themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4: 9–12

So we stay close—ever so close—to King Jesus, first honoring the One to whom we

owe everything. Learning from the One who once wore the Crown of Thorns, our

third strand.

The same victorious King who will one day return wearing the “Crown of Many

Crowns”.

In Closing, A Special Dedication

On April 10th of this past year, my dad had an accident — a bad fall that caused a

spinal cord injury known as Central Cord Syndrome. He couldn’t use his arms or legs,

and his greatest fear was that he’d never walk again. I’ll never forget standing beside his

hospital bed at the University of Kentucky Hospital - in disbelief, completely heartbroken. My eyes were filled with tears, but my heart was filled with faith.

There’s really no way to explain the depth of what he’s endured. From ICU to neck

surgery, from inpatient rehabilitation to outpatient therapy, my mom stayed faithfully

by his side—day and night—caring for him, loving him, encouraging him, and praying

without ceasing (her father would be so proud).

I’ve been in awe of my mom’s deep love and steadfast devotion to my dad throughout

this journey. Each day, she reminded my dad how far he’d come and how far, with

God’s help, he could still go. She clung tightly to biblical truth, that God is good, and that with Him, all things are possible.

As of today, my dad has gone from a wheelchair to walking with a cane—and even

taking their dog for rides on the side-by-side. Truly...it is a miracle, and I’m forever

grateful.

I’ve watched them both be there for each other in many ways for many years. But this

year was beyond difficult. But their love never wavered, it just deepened.

Prayerfully, all of my writing is meant to bring God glory. But this piece, in particular, I

proudly dedicate to my parents.

Thank you, Dad, for your determination. The fight within you continues to amaze me.

And thank you for your unwavering faith in God.

Thank you, Mom, with all my heart, for your deep love and devotion to your

husband—for walking with him each day, for loving him and helping him—for being

his crown.

3 Scripture Verses, 2 Quotes,

and 1 Question to Consider

3 Scripture Verses:

For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and

the two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31

To be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to

their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:5

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22

2 Quotes:

"If we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are

demanding an impossibility." - Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

“Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate

good as far as it can be obtained.” -C.S. Lewis

1 Question to Consider:

Are you your husband’s crown?